Call Me Trixie

Tomorrow, we celebrate Thanksgiving in the United States. It's a holiday to commemorate when a boat of religious fanatics crossed the Atlantic Ocean to escape oppression, landed in the New World and nearly starved to death until the Natives saved them (the Natives would eventually regret that decision). Many people like to think of this holiday as  people coming together to feast while setting aside their differences. Others consider it the pregame meal before Black Friday shopping. Older pro wrestling fans debate on whether we should associate Starrcade or Survivor Series more with the day (the right answer is always Starrcade, by the way. That's definitely my hill on which to die). For me, it was once the day when my parents and I would go over to my aunt's house for a huge extended family get together. There would always be tons of food, my cousins and I would run around and play all day, and there was always football on TV. Nowadays, many of those relatives are no longe...

When last we left our genderfluid heroine, she had just finished a busy Friday and her internal clock only let her sleep for approximately five hours before she got up for a fun filled Saturday. So, yeah, I was pretty tired Saturday morning. Since it was going to be a long day, I wanted to make sure I was fully confident in how I felt and looked. I started off with what I call the three S's (shower, shave and...well, you know). I then got dressed in my designated outfit for the day: black and white striped leggings, black and white striped long sleeve shirt, Uzumaki T-shirt, my black jacket with white broken hearts and pink trim (would've been perfect had Bret Hart been there), and my military style goth boots with a skull holding a rose in its mouth. Now, it was supposed to be capped off by a white wig with black undertones to go along with the goth makeup I wanted to use. Then, disaster struck. I decided not to test the makeup before my trip and just go in blind. It was a cre...

Hello, my loves. I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! If you've been following along, you know that I was super busy the last few days. As such, I'm breaking up my trip report into a couple of different posts. Things actually started for me on Thursday night. I decided to paint my nails for the first time. Obviously, for a first try, things didn't go perfectly. Still, it went well enough and I was satisfied with the results. I went with a basic black nail polish and I absolutely loved applying it. The only issue: I'd forgotten to buy nail polish remover. So, for all the mistakes I'd created over each of my fingers, I had to use rubbing alcohol with q tips. It worked well enough but was still somewhat of a pain. Friday started off with my mother and I going to Willow's school play. She had the very important part of "Sailer 1" and she did fantastic with her one line! The play in general was super cute and enjoyable as they mostly did rock songs throu...

Hello, my loves. Just a quick one today as I'm on my weekend trip. I'll be in the NYC area for GCW Dream On and AEW Full Gear tomorrow. Should be awesome! If you happen to see a cute goth girl (as I'll be identifying as Trixie all weekend) with an Uzumaki T-shirt, come say Hi! In fact, I'd like to try something: if you read this blog and happen to see me out and about this weekend, say this to me: "The woods are lovely, dark, and deep. And I have promises to keep. Miles to go before I sleep." Yes, that's the line spoken in Death Proof. I'm SUCH a Tarantino mark lol. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy your weekend, my loves! I'll be back with you in full on Monday. -Trixie 😘 ❤️ 

Some people may not realize this but there's differences between men and women. Revolutionary thinking, I know. Obviously, you can look at a man and a woman and see the skin deep differences. I'm specifically talking about their thought processes. Case in point: packing for a trip. Whenever I'm going on a trip as my masculine self, it's a fairly quick, straightforward process. I take one bag for clothes, another bag for my toiletries and I usually don't pack until the morning I'm leaving. Well, with my first trip as Trixie tomorrow, that process has completely changed. All of you girls will understand why. Not only do I need my usual toiletries (toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, etc) but I also need my makeup kit, makeup remover, my styling brush, an outfit for each day, an extra pair of shoes to coordinate better with certain outfits, winter boots in case it snows, a winter coat, a lighter jacket in case it gets nicer, my purse with travel style makeup items, ...

"We have met the enemy and he is us." -Walt Kelly This saying has never been more accurate than when I look at myself in the mirror. Yes, I've lost a ton of weight. Yes, I can fit into smaller sizes than I could before. Yes, I even FEEL a lot healthier. But, whenever I look at myself, I still see the 330 pound me staring back. Every fold, every roll, every ripple, every dimple. It all just reminds me of the worst times of my body's health. Deep down, I know it's all mental. When I can turn off the anxiety and negativity, I can see where I do look better. My stomach has definitely shrunk (if I can get through doctor to let me get rid of this excess skin next year, that'll definitely help). I don't have so much neck fat. My face looks skinnier. My shoulders have more muscle tone to them. But then other days...it all just comes back to me. You have to understand: I was over 300 pounds for a good 6-7 years. When you see yourself a certain way for so long, you ...

While it's easier than ever to watch a pro wrestling show, it's becoming more and more difficult to afford to go to a mainline show. Griffin and I were fortunate enough to go to both nights of WrestleMania 40 last year. It was a splurge but it wasn't anything overly exorbitant. We still got the nosebleed seats just to save enough to enjoy that entire weekend. We mention to each other constantly how happy we are that we went when we did. If we tried to go to a WWE major show now, for the same exact seat placement, we'd probably have to pay more than double what we did just last year (thanks TKO). The sad part is that most major entertainment ventures do this: profits over fans. However, they'll continue to increase prices because there are still fans willing to pay these huge amounts for tickets. I bring up WWE though because they've been so blatant about it. Their CEO actually mentioned how the WWE's previous owner kept prices with family in mind but that cu...

Hello, my loves. I hope you all enjoyed your weekend. Mine was enjoyable but I know this upcoming weekend will be both enjoyable and eventful for my trip! Anyway, this past weekend, I picked up my daughter from her mother and her idiot of a current husband from a local Comic con event on Saturday. They set up a table every year to sell whatever stupid items she's currently peddling or he's trying to sell his 3D printer figurines.  My daughter Willow also got in on the act this year as she made toys that she called "paper squishees." She cut up pieces of notebook paper, drew different characters or pictures on them, put some type of stuffing in between a couple of pages and fastened them together. I'm not sure how much she was charging for each one but she did make over $20 that day. I walked around with Griffin and Willow for a bit to check out the different booths. I ended up buying the first volume collection of the Horace H Hoover comic book. I haven't had ...

As I prepare for my three day weekend in East Rutherford next week, I've started taking inventory of things that I have, things I don't have, and doubling up on items just in case. Case in point: for my look for GCW at the American Dream, I wanted a certain palette of makeup. I had ordered a makeup kit for this occasion but I wanted to grab a few more items in case what I ordered didn't work for me. So, after work yesterday, I asked Kitty to go shopping with me. We settled on going to one of the dollar stores for our makeup needs instead of a place like Walmart. This way, there would be fewer people and better prices. While I probably could've found the items on my own, I had Kitty go with me in both an advisory role and as a confidence booster. Since I'm still new at makeup application and understanding the different factors of it, I respect Kitty's opinion on makeup styles and necessities. Plus, as stated before, this area isn't very accepting of the LGBTQ...

Something trendy for couples in recent years have been to take an online test to see what is your "Love Language." Essentially, they ask you several questions and decide which of the five categories to which you belong based on your answers. This is to decide how best your partner can love and understand you. While you get around 25 questions (depending on which website you use), they usually boil down to these main five: "Would you like your partner to perform an activity for you?" "Would you appreciate your partner listening to what you have to say?" "Would you like to receive a gift from your partner?" "Would you like to spend one on one time with your partner?" "Would you like physical contact with your partner?" They use some form of each of these questions and match them up against each other (such as would you prefer a gift or a kiss). After you answer each question presented, it gives you your archetype love language. ...

One's own mental health can be a detriment; not just to themselves but their loved ones as well. Of course, we're not the only ones who deal with such mental health issues. It seems we're surrounded by people going through similar problems these days. How do we balance our own issues with those facing our friends and family? This can be quite the balancing act and there's no one definitive answer. Every situation is different. There are absolutely times where your mind has betrayed you and the best thing is to focus on yourself. Of course, you want to close yourself off from the world and everyone around you. However, this can backfire on us as we feel like we're being "mean" or "uncooperative" by not letting others in on what's going on in our own heads. We're talked of as being selfish or having a "pity party." Trust me, I heard those last two terms many times from a certain ex of mine. But this is exactly why it's okay to...

My most recent reading adventure involved the first five volumes of Heartstopper by Alice Oseman. Once I began, I literally couldn't put them down. I finished the first volume within thirty minutes and immediately ordered the paperbacks of volumes two through five that day. For anyone (somehow) unaware, Heartstopper is a series of graphic novels involving main characters Charlie and Nick. They're both teenagers in high school in Britain. Charlie is out as gay (having been outed publicly prior to the beginning of the story). One day, he sits in a new class next to Nick and immediately begins crushing on him. Nick takes a liking to him as well but, at first, it seems totally platonic. Charlie believes that Nick is straight but pursues a friendship with him, including playing on the rugby team together. As they become closer, the supporting characters notice that their friendship seems to be blossoming into something more. While Charlie, very obviously, wants this, Nick is either ...

Hello, my loves. I hope you had a wonderful weekend. Mine was fairly uneventful due to not feeling well. Not sure if it was the effects of my medicine or catching a bug but I spent lots of time in the bathroom the last two days. Willow also wasn't feeling well but she had more of a standard cold than a stomach flu. Cough and cold medicine became her main intake this past weekend. Hopefully, the two of us will be all well this weekend. I have her two weekends in a row as a trade with my ex since I'll be traveling the weekend of the 21st. So, this upcoming weekend, Willow and I will be going to a local Comic Con type event. It happens every year (in the event center of a church, no less) where local comic sellers, jewelry sellers and general geek and nerd culture types meet up to sell their wares and cosplay as their favorite characters. A local group likes to dress up as both the 501st Legion and Obi Wan Kenobi from Star Wars. I usually haven't since I'd been too heavy t...

As previously discussed (in My Laura Dean) I wound up unfriending my last serious girlfriend, MLD, this past summer. She responded by blocking me and immediately finding herself a new man. This was despite her telling me for the past two years that she wasn't interested in another relationship and couldn't see herself trusting someone that deeply again. I guess things change when someone who you thought would always be there for you to take advantage of suddenly has enough. But I digress. So, I moved on with my life. She moved on with hers. I figured that was the end...until a few days ago. I'm scrolling through Facebook and come across the section "People You May Know." Guess who I see staring back at me? Being the curious type, I click on the profile and find out that most of these posts are from last year. This leaves two possibilities: this is one of her side accounts or she's limiting what I can see. Now, she has several side accounts that she'll deac...

Somewhat of an update on the dating app situation for me. I was at two but am down to one (a popular dating app beginning with a "T" presented me with no real success). I'm still on one that's supposed to cater to members of the LGBTQ community. While I haven't had any true, deep connections yet, it has been very nice (and flattering) to get attention from so many people. I did go off app with one person. We've been texting off and on for over a month now. I think we would've met up by now if now for certain issues with which they're currently dealing. Without going into too many of their details, they're having employment issues after losing their most recent job and it's affecting their mental state; as anyone could imagine. One day, when we were talking about it, they mentioned, "Can't ask you out on a date though until I have some income."  Granted, I could just ask them out but... Part of me is excited about being asked out. ...

It's a common practice to talk about the things we'd like to do before we "kick the bucket" (the so named Bucket List). Some people actively chase after these tasks and moments. Others put them off for now until sometime later. Sadly, later doesn't always come up. My mom mentions that her biggest regret was not traveling more when she was younger (my dad's only vacation destination was to visit my sister and he only ever wanted to eat out at the same exact restaurant). Now, sadly, she's physically unable to travel very much. Granted, we take family vacations but it's not quite as impactful as traveling abroad. In this sense, I'm spoiled as I've accomplished almost everything on my list: Travel to Japan (check). Attend Wrestle Kingdom in the Tokyo Dome (I did two nights worth in 2020). Attend WrestleMania (both nights in Philly in 2024). Get married (for better or MUCH worse...for eight years). Have a child (my lovely, little Willow). Become a r...

While it's not one of the "big ones," such as the midterms or the Presidential elections, today is still voting day. You could say that elections like this are even more important since they cover local offices that can affect you everyday. I was born and raised as a Republican because of my parents and their background. However, I became more and more liberal in my thinking once I got to college and beyond. In fact, it became clear to me that my thought process growing up had usually been socially liberal anyway. I officially changed parties to Democrat in 2016. I refused to be associated with Drumpf and the way in which he'd bastardized my idea of the Grand Old Party. I don't have to tell you how upset I was over the results from last year. That orange faced goon won lots of support by actively campaigning against LGBTQ causes, especially the trans community. Not only did his base just lap it up but it felt like Democratic leadership wasn't doing nearly enou...

Hello, my loves. I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Mine wound up vastly different from how I initially thought it would be. So, last week, I was planning on another shopping trip with Kitty and/or Griffin for Saturday. Well, Griffin ended up having to work and Kitty wound up getting sick. I figured I'd end up having another boy mode weekend. That is until Griffin said he was off on Sunday and could hang out to watch football with my mom and myself. It was time to put in the work; like all ladies do. Now, normally, I would just wait for the next Willow weekend to be Trixie. Well, I have her the next two weekends and the weekend after that is my trip to the American Dream Mall. So, it was this weekend or wait all month. Since I hadn't been Trixie for a while (or hadn't put in much work doing so), I was in serious need of hair removal. I decided to experiment a bit in that area. Usually, I go with either my manual razor or hair removal cream. This time, I started by tryi...