How Does It Make You Feel

One's own mental health can be a detriment; not just to themselves but their loved ones as well.

Of course, we're not the only ones who deal with such mental health issues. It seems we're surrounded by people going through similar problems these days.

How do we balance our own issues with those facing our friends and family?

This can be quite the balancing act and there's no one definitive answer. Every situation is different.

There are absolutely times where your mind has betrayed you and the best thing is to focus on yourself. Of course, you want to close yourself off from the world and everyone around you.

However, this can backfire on us as we feel like we're being "mean" or "uncooperative" by not letting others in on what's going on in our own heads. We're talked of as being selfish or having a "pity party." Trust me, I heard those last two terms many times from a certain ex of mine.

But this is exactly why it's okay to be on your own to figure things out. People have a habit of judging you when they don't know what you're going through.

That was a key issue in why I would shut down in my marriage instead of opening up to my ex. Too many times I'd have a bad mental day and it would result on her downplaying my pain, playing the victim herself or even mocking me.

Me: I had a bad day in the ER.

Her: I've worked at that place for over ten years and you have NO IDEA everything I've had to see and do!

Me: I don't feel like mourning my dad for long because of how he treated me throughout my life.

Her: You should be HAPPY that you grew up with your dad. Mine died young and I had a stepdad to deal with!

Me: I'm not having a great mental health day.

Her: You just HAVE to play victim again, huh? I've gone through SO MUCH in my life but you don't see me crying about it!

And yet she'd wonder why I stopped wanting to talk things over with her.

Now, this isn't to say that you should always keep to yourself. Sometimes, talking to people can help get you through the bad times. Especially when you're in crisis.

The last time I was in such a state, I messaged everyone I knew who would understand (except my mom. I felt guilty trying to talk about my mental health to someone who beat breast cancer twice. Although, she probably would've been there for me).

Whenever I'd talk to them, I was completely open and honest about where I was mentally. My problems, my current mental state, every raw piece of emotion I was currently experiencing.

It was tough to be that honest with people but it did help. These people didn't yell at me, didn't judge me, didn't make fun of me. They listened and were there for me.

It's important to remember though that you can't always be there for others when you're not in the right state yourself. Once again, if someone you know is in crisis, be there for them as best you can; even if you're having a bad mental day as well. You could be the one person stopping them from crossing that last line.

However, if someone only wants to talk about the same complaints or issues that they always have (essentially, they're just venting), there's no reason you can't disengage and come back to them when you're more capable.

Like I said, every situation is different. Absolutely, be there for your loved ones but there's also nothing wrong with stepping back and just being there for yourself.

Always assess the situation and go from there. Never be afraid to be seen as "selfish" if you need a personal day.

You do you, Boo.






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