Hiding in Plain Sight

My magic trick is to convince the world that I don't exist.

This modified version of the Charles Baudelaire verse is, sadly, the case for many in our community.

Whether being trans or genderfluid and having to look like our birth gender on a daily basis or being gay and having to act hetero to not make the non-LGBTQ people uncomfortable and hateful. Under the current political climate, I feel little can change.

I'm not different in that regard. It's been weeks since I've been able to dress as Trixie (too much to do as my masculine self last weekend and Willow is with us this weekend) and nearly two months since I've been fully out as her.

Granted, for lots of October, my gender gauge has been slightly pointed at "Male" but Trixie never fully goes away. A certain song, a sweet smell, an internet meme and she's just fighting to bubble up to the top.

If I had more guts, I'd just show up to work one day and proclaim:

"Today, my name is Trixie! Yes, I'm wearing a dress because I feel comfortable doing so! Don't like it? Fuck you!"

Unfortunately, as previously discussed, I'm not that brave.

With my weight loss medicine continuing to work, I look forward to fitting into even smaller and cuter clothes. I'm hoping to go shopping again next weekend.

The more I lose, the more confident I feel. Especially as I get closer to my big trip in mid-November.

I'll be stepping out as Trixie at the GCW show at the American Dream Mall in New Jersey. I went last year, had a great time, and absolutely had to go again this year.

With Effy as their World Champion (and their entire organization in general seemingly more accepting of our community), I feel like I'll be safer in that setting.

It'll be the first time that I get to go out and enjoy my absolute favorite activity with my more authentic self. I truly can't wait!

G-C-fn-W!

But, for now, back to boy mode as I have to get a costume ready for trick or treating with Willow this weekend.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend as well. Until Monday, my loves.

-Trixie 😘 ❤️ 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Half the Person I Used to Be

People can have lots of different vices to help when they're stressed. Some drink, some smoke, some even do drugs (I don't judge anyone enjoying a little bit of Mother Earth's great green herb. I mean the harder stuff). My vice was always food. Whenever I was stressed or sad or even just bored, I'd immediately go straight for the kitchen or pantry to find something to eat. Any good feelings from doing so would quickly evaporate whenever I would next step onto the scale. Stress eating became a big habit at one point in my life due to working in a hospital at the time and my continuing issues in my marriage. Even after I left that job and the divorce was finalized, I still used food as a coping mechanism. By the time 2023 rolled around and I was actually ready to do something about it (or so I thought), the scales read 336.5 pounds. I was up to wearing size 5XL shirts that had to be specially ordered because no local stores carried them. I talked to my doctor and they sug...
Read more

Voting Day

While it's not one of the "big ones," such as the midterms or the Presidential elections, today is still voting day. You could say that elections like this are even more important since they cover local offices that can affect you everyday. I was born and raised as a Republican because of my parents and their background. However, I became more and more liberal in my thinking once I got to college and beyond. In fact, it became clear to me that my thought process growing up had usually been socially liberal anyway. I officially changed parties to Democrat in 2016. I refused to be associated with Drumpf and the way in which he'd bastardized my idea of the Grand Old Party. I don't have to tell you how upset I was over the results from last year. That orange faced goon won lots of support by actively campaigning against LGBTQ causes, especially the trans community. Not only did his base just lap it up but it felt like Democratic leadership wasn't doing nearly enou...
Read more

Thanks Dad

 My dad was born to a hardworking father and stay-at-home mother in a tough neighborhood. Not only my father but all of his siblings served as living PSAs on what NOT to do in life. I had a family member for each issue raised: drinking, smoking, drugs, infidelity, raising children, racism. Everything they did seemed wrong to me. In fact, I could've made this blog entirely about them and would never run out of material. However, for brevity, I'll focus on my father.  He married his highschool sweetheart and had my sister. It wasn't long before that marriage ended on divorce and my father moved away. While my sister will never admit it, I've always believed that she secretly resented him for leaving her. My father eventually met my mother but it would be ten years before they married. One reason was because her family didn't really like him. They were all very straight laced while he was an alcoholic biker (I guess my mom was into bad boys). Another reason was, at one...
Read more