We Need to Talk About Griffin

They say it can be hard being friends sometimes. That has certainly been the case with my best guy friend lately.

Over the past month, Griffin's attitude has changed. This is especially the case whenever I hang out with or even discuss Aerith. It seems to me that he's jealous of the time and energy I'm spending on her.

He's even said before that while he's happy for me, "I'm sure this means that you'll completely forget about me sooner or later now that you have a girlfriend." I've always assured him that such a situation isn't the case but he doesn't seem to fully grasp that.

He threw a huge, passive aggressive fit around New Year's Eve when I decided to spend it with Aerith and her friends instead of him. It seemed to get worse whenever she would be brought up or even after they met.

However, our issue that kicked off yesterday didn't even involve Aerith but did involve Griffin's attitude.

Usually, we'll message each other back and forth everyday. This mostly involves memes, gifs, and videos. Our usual response is emojis or comments. He also likes it whenever I send him the link to each of these daily blogs.

Well, yesterday, I sent my usual blog, I could see that he read it but there was no reply or emoji. I sent him a funny video later on and once again, he read it but didn't respond. Later still, I sent a random meme to the same response: he read it but didn't say anything.

I was a little concerned as this wasn't like him.

Finally, he sent me a picture of some peppermint bark flavored fragrances. I responded on how I'm not a big peppermint fan. He said that it just reminded him of me. I said "Okay 😊" but then things quickly went off the rails.

He responds with the emoji of a face covering their face with their hands except for an eye peeking through. I asked him "What" to which he only replied "Nothing." I asked "Are you sure?"

That simple question seemed to set him off. He got upset and said something like "yes, I'm fine. I was just sending you a random emoji." I mentioned how it looked like one who was hiding something and he basically said "I deleted it. Are you happy?"

I then asked if he was okay as he was acting weirder than usual. He then went on a rant on how he's fine, how I'm overreacting to an emoji, and asked why he wouldn't be fine. I responded "If you say so." He then said "I know so because nobody knows me better than I do."

I got fed up with his weird behavior, his hostility and his standoffish nature, told him so and have ignored him since then. He's tried messaging me a few times. The first time was where he said he "didn't mean to sound hostile" but stopped short of a full apology and the second was some random encounter he had with someone where they talked about pro wrestling; acting like everything was fine.

It should be mentioned that this entire interaction occurred over the span of 5-10 minutes. It was an emotional rollercoaster and we were clearly not fine at that point.

For as long as I've known him, Griffin has always had this sense where he's always right and the world is always wrong. If he fucks up, he always has an excuse on how it's not really his fault. If he does somehow apologize it's of the "Sorry but" variety. If anyone follows up the word "sorry" with the word "but" then it's not a real apology. It's just one person trying to placate the other before they insult them.

This isn't a seldom occurrence for him but happens all the time. He refuses to set foot in one of my favorite bars because of issues he had once with them. He was involved in a play and the cast went there after the show. The kitchen had to close early due to staffing. So he went to a fast food place and brought it back with him. They asked him to not bring in outside food and he threw a huge fit. Somehow, despite knowing their rules about outside food or drinks, he wasn't to blame over the ordeal (I mentioned this story to Kitty and we're both in full agreement that he was wrong).

Another time, we were visiting the historical sites in Philadelphia. The one museum was several blocks away and we were walking it. He insisted it was in one direction while I knew it was in the other. He got super huffy and walked away from me in the direction I mentioned. When we got to the museum and pointed to it, he actually had the gaul to say "that's not the one." I proved it was and in we went. Never got an apology for that one, of course.

Yet another time was when he was hosting an online trivia night during COVID. I went on and the question came up about the name of the Lucky Charms mascot. All of us said his name was Lucky but Griffin insisted we were all wrong and his name was Sir Charm. I was certain it was Lucky and went online during a break. I found out that he had several names including Lucky, Sir Charm and LC Leprechaun. I mentioned this to Griffin but said (in a very ignorant tone) it didn't count because it was from Wikipedia. Finally, I went to the actual Lucky Charms website and found out it said the same thing. His name was Lucky as well as Sir Charm. Griffin responded that everyone gets an extra point besides me. He couldn't stand being wrong and really got heated that I had actually challenged him. I never went back to play trivia with him again.

One main issue with trying to tell him this is that he always shuts down emotionally. He'll act remorseful but then goes into a long speech on how nobody will ever love him and he's so lonely with his parents gone.

Granted, losing loved ones is a grieving process and there's no set time on when it ends. However, both of his parents passed away over eight years ago now. But he still not only uses them as an excuse on when things go wrong in his life but constantly posts old pictures of them all the time on social media.

They died and yet he acts like he did. Their deaths seems to have left him emotionally stunted. So, he wallows in self pity, convinces himself that he's not the problem and takes his frustrations out on those around him.

He doesn't look for people to date because they'll never love him. So whenever someone does come into his life, he self sabotages.

His friends start dating people and he thinks they'll stop hanging out with him. So he treats said friend's significant other as the enemy instead of an addiction to our circle and self sabotages.

He refuses to grow, he refuses to move on and he uses his past emotional trauma as a crutch.

As you've read through my blogs, you've seen all of the pain and trauma which I've experienced. Have I stayed in one place mentally or emotionally? Have I not grown as a person? Not just over the past decade but even just over the past year?

I know that I have. If I didn't then I would've put a gun in my mouth or a razor to my wrists a long time ago. I couldn't wallow in self pity forever and blame the world for my own problems.

Yes, my wife cheated on me but I was emotionally distant during that marriage. We shared that blame. Yes, I lost my job at the hospital and that sent me on a downward spiral as well as a five day stay in a mental health facility but it also came because of a HIPAA violation.

We're all human. We all make mistakes. We all have problems. But we have to admit to those mistakes and problems so we can move on with our lives. Standing still and dwelling on the past means that we stop truly living.

To reference something said by Dale Carnegie, people get into a rut and they stay in that rut because they refuse to use their abilities to get things done.

That's Griffin right now. As long as he stays in that past trauma and refuses to grow as a human being, he'll stay in that rut.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm dropping him as a friend. He was my best guy friend before yesterday and he'll stay my best friend long after tomorrow as well.

But he needs to fully sort himself out so that this doesn't continue to be a problem. I've ended friendships and relationships over less and I will do the same if he keeps up with this attitude.

It can be super difficult to deal with your best friend when he insists on acting like an ignorant, self righteous bastard.

*Phew* I feel better after that.

Okay, hopefully, the weekend will help me relax as well as all of you. I'll chat with you more on Monday.

Have a great weekend, my loves.

-Trixie 😘 ❤️