Smitten

It's official: I've reached the point in this relationship (whatever state it's considered) where I think about her all the time.

I enjoy whenever we chat with each other. I love reminiscing about the times we've been together; even when that number is super low. I look forward to when we get to see each other again.

This, however, can lead to a major problem: I greatly overthink things. Once I suck myself into another person's world, I can't help but begin thinking of every possibility.

Every good outcome, every bad outcome, every possibility for something to go wrong or right. It's just how my brain is wired. This leaves me as a constant ball of anxious, excited energy; waiting to burst out into the real world.

It can absolutely effect how I react in certain situations with Aerith and how I may second guess myself whenever I make decisions.

I start to reminisce about past relationships and past dates as well. Thinking of how it all went wrong, any and all contributions I made to that, and if Aerith will simply be another name to the list.

This constant overthinking doesn't stop me though. If it did, I'd be paralyzed by fear and anxiety and never want to leave the house. That's no way to live.

Romance is absolutely scary. However, so is life in general. Couple that with being an LGBTQ person romancing another LGBTQ person in a predominantly far right part of a fairly conservative state (outside of the bigger cities) and life is downright terrifying.

But I can't let that stop me.

Will things work out with Aerith and I? Will things go south? Will the stupidity of that buffoon in the White House cause someone to drop the bomb and we all explode tomorrow? Who knows? Anything can happen.

While I can't shut off my brain, I can at least control my actions. I can push myself forward to what I desire most: a romantic relationship. If it doesn't work out, at least I tried. I can appreciate the experience.

If it does, then mission accomplished. Then I move onto a whole new list of stressors: how do we make this work? When do we move in together? Do we get married? How does that work?

But that's a whole list of questions for a whole other time.

For now, it's one step forward. One day at a time. One date of a time.

And that next date is coming tomorrow night. I'll make sure to let you know all about it on Monday. 😉

Until then, have a wonderful weekend, my loves. I love and appreciate you all.

-Trixie 😘 ❤️ 

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