Passable?

I often wonder how people see me whenever I go out as Trixie. Am I passable as a woman or does everyone still see me as masculine?

I know that I'm AMAB and since I didn't begin identifying as genderfluid until later in life, some things about myself will always be masculine: my chin, my Adam's apple, my bone structure, my muscle tone, my natural voice. 

Some things can be altered with surgery but not everything can be and not only are surgeries expensive but can have complications. No guarantee of success means I'm saving my money on such things.

Now, I have had some success when going out with people at least identifying me with feminine pronouns. Sadly, that wasn't always the case during my trip a couple of weeks ago.

Despite being Trixie the entire weekend (except behind closed doors), this is what I heard most of the time:

"Excuse me, fella."

"Coming through, guys."

"Thanks for coming out, pal."

Even the person I was with kept going "yes, sir" whenever I'd ask a question. Granted, they've known me for a long time now as my masculine self but they've also been around me several times now as Trixie.

It can get disheartening whenever you try to be your more authentic self but people still see you as something else. If this is how I feel just being genderfluid, I can't imagine the daily hell through which my transgendered brethren must travel.

Thankfully, it wasn't all like that.

When getting my picture taken with Hacksaw Jim Duggan, I asked his person to take the picture. They told my friend "She (meaning me) trust me more than you to take a decent picture." That warmed my heart. Also, it turns out that she didn't take a better picture than him lol.

Also, it felt like I was super approachable when it came to women. Numerous times, a girl would have a question and come up to me to ask it. Or they'd love my Uzumaki shirt and tell me so. Once again, it made me feel so much better and less self conscience about myself. Like I was being accepted out in the world.

Finally, I had a fun interaction with a girl at a restaurant during the drive home. We'd stopped to eat lunch on Sunday, I'd just come out of the bathroom (girls room all weekend and no issues from anyone. Imagine that). This girl that had been sitting next to my booth started up a conversation. Nothing groundbreaking but just shooting the breeze about everything. 

Being the curious type, I did wonder to myself on why she decided to talk to me. I came up with four possibilities:

1) She is autistic.

2) She is inebriated.

3) She thinks I'm cute and is trying to hit on me.

4) A combination of these options.

Regardless, I didn't see her as any sort of threat and it was nice having a conversation with a total stranger out in the real world. I'll probably never see her again because we didn't exchange numbers or anything like that. If I do suddenly run into her again out of nowhere, then I'll worry.

So, it doesn't seem like I'm fully passable in the real world. Or at least people thought I was dressing up for this event or that event going on. Either way, I'm not going to stop being Trixie. She's a part of who I am and I love the way I feel whenever I get to be her. I just wish more people would identify me as a woman whenever I am her.

At least I'll always get comments like that from people on the dating app. They all think I'm super pretty. One said I remind them of actress Emma Mackey (I hope that's a good thing).

Still, we all know what most of them want and won't get from me if they don't act like a gentleman...

...or if they're really cute. 😉

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