Internalizing Everything

We want to be heard. We want to be free. We want the world to hear our voice.

And yet we hold onto so many things. We keep it bottled up. Hidden. Away from those who may hurt us.

The fear can be too much; overwhelming. The second guessing turns into a third and then fourth and fifth guess.

Why must they hate us? Why must they treat us so? Why are we unable to get along?

They spout off their religious texts but seem to forget the word of their prophet. We know that they, too, have sinned and yet they choose to throw their rocks.

Does their god exist? Who knows for sure. If their god created this existence, do we truly want him to be real?

We are not an evil community. We are not a pure community. We simply are. 

We want to be accepted. To feel loved. To not feel like hatred, bigotry and death are around every corner.

As I get closer to another trip around the sun, I keep battling my inner thoughts. About who and what I am. About being totally open and honest with people. Being the brave person which people say I am.

Am I ready for such a struggle? Can I handle such possible hatred and torment so open? If I hold it in, can I handle such inner turmoil much longer? And what of my daughter? How would she react if I were fully open?

So many questions. So few answers.

Someday, maybe, I'll know for sure. I'll know myself. I'll know what to do.

That'll do it for me this week. Have a wonderful weekend, my loves.

-Trixie 😘 ❤️ 

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