All I Want for Christmas

When we're kids, teens, or even young adults, we always associate the holidays with presents. All year long, we'd check out every toy ad and commercial to determine our list for when Santa would arrive that December.

Even as late as my last year of marriage, I still had a list like that. Nowadays, my thoughts on what I want for Christmas has completely changed.

It's like, I had human companionship (despite all the problems in dealing with that companion), so I could use the holidays as an excuse to receive material goods.

Now, as I've gotten older (not old but older than I was), I no longer care about materialistic items. I have no Christmas list. When I'm asked what I want, I always respond with one of two answers:

1) I don't care.

2) What I really want can't be found in any store.

The first answer comes from being an adult now and just being able to buy whatever I want or need throughout the year. Such a concept defeats the purpose of waiting for Christmas.

The second answer comes from no longer having that human companionship every year. While it became unreasonably tedious to deal with my ex, at least I had someone by my side. Despite her seemingly constant wandering eye.

The last time I came that close to having a partner during the holidays, as mentioned before, was when I was with MLD. She dumped me, literally, days before Christmas of 2018. In fact, my social media memories are popping up from that time with her loving comments still there. It's amazing where we were one day and how it all fell apart within a few minutes the next.

Don't get me wrong though: this isn't me pining over either my ex wife or my ex girlfriend. I don't miss either of them specifically. I simply miss what they provided.

Lots of times, we take our partner for granted; for what they provide us. They're someone with whom we can celebrate the supposed "most wonderful time of year" with love and affection.

When you don't have that, you do miss those feelings from years past. While it's too early to expect anything like that with Aerith this year, I do hope that we can get to that point in time for the holidays next year.

I guess we'll find out.

For those of you that do have a loved one for the holidays, love them and cherish them; even when they annoy or anger you.

For those in a situation similar to mine, while you may be single this time of year, you're not alone. You still have friends and family who truly love and care for you. And I love you all as well.

Because of the holidays, I'll be taking the rest of the week off. I'll be back on Monday. Whichever holiday you celebrate, I hope it's a wonderfully magical one, my loves!

-Trixie 😘 ❤️ 

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