The Other F Word

As a child growing up in the 90s, I heard and said lots of words that are obviously not acceptable nowadays.

One of them was a homophobic slur that begins with F.

While, technically I could say it since I'm now part of the LGBTQ community, I will refrain from doing so. It's too easy to fall down a rabbit hole like that. Plus, I said it was too many times growing up.

Back then, as a preteen (and even as a naive teenager), I tended to say things that I didn't fully understand. Sadly, all of us did. Even sadder, lots of those same kids who are now adults still say it. Or, almost as bad, say "that's gay" when they mean "that's stupid."

This is part of the culture to which we were presented and is one that we all are still trying to fix. Never do I use that, or any insidious, f word in front of my daughter. If the day ever comes when she asks about it or even says it, I'll at least be able to explain to her why it's not okay.

I wish I had a dad growing up who could explain that to me. Instead, he found excuses on why it was okay to say. We both took Eminem's side whenever he'd say it and members of the LGBTQ community would come out against him. It does seem like Slim has mellowed out though in recent years.

It's also very profound that Violent J of ICP has come out recently and talked about how he used to say the word and similar others. He mentions how he didn't realize they had so many gay Juggalos (ICP fans) and how he had to explain to his daughter that he was foolish for saying it on his old records.

I was thinking about all of this yesterday heading home from work as I listened to "Undead" by Hollywood Undead. I was surprised how many times they said the f word in this song. And this song is from the mid 2000s. This was a time when we'd been working harder on being more understanding of the community rather than using these slurs. And yet, here it still was.

And it's still said way too much by people who know what it means. It's used as a slur to tear people down, whether they're part of the LGBTQ community or not.

I do feel bad for anyone who's been called the f word or something similar. However, I feel worse for having grown up saying it. Especially when it became obvious what it meant and I didn't listen or pay attention.

I'm not asking for forgiveness; only understanding that I'm not that person anymore. That I'm human and made (and will make) mistakes in my life. Especially before I knew who I was.

If you're LGBTQ and choose to say the word to "take it back," I do support you. I simply refrain from it because I feel like I bastardized it way too many times over the years.

Words do hurt and I've been trying to use mine to build people up; not tear them down.

Not anymore.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Half the Person I Used to Be

People can have lots of different vices to help when they're stressed. Some drink, some smoke, some even do drugs (I don't judge anyone enjoying a little bit of Mother Earth's great green herb. I mean the harder stuff). My vice was always food. Whenever I was stressed or sad or even just bored, I'd immediately go straight for the kitchen or pantry to find something to eat. Any good feelings from doing so would quickly evaporate whenever I would next step onto the scale. Stress eating became a big habit at one point in my life due to working in a hospital at the time and my continuing issues in my marriage. Even after I left that job and the divorce was finalized, I still used food as a coping mechanism. By the time 2023 rolled around and I was actually ready to do something about it (or so I thought), the scales read 336.5 pounds. I was up to wearing size 5XL shirts that had to be specially ordered because no local stores carried them. I talked to my doctor and they sug...
Read more

Voting Day

While it's not one of the "big ones," such as the midterms or the Presidential elections, today is still voting day. You could say that elections like this are even more important since they cover local offices that can affect you everyday. I was born and raised as a Republican because of my parents and their background. However, I became more and more liberal in my thinking once I got to college and beyond. In fact, it became clear to me that my thought process growing up had usually been socially liberal anyway. I officially changed parties to Democrat in 2016. I refused to be associated with Drumpf and the way in which he'd bastardized my idea of the Grand Old Party. I don't have to tell you how upset I was over the results from last year. That orange faced goon won lots of support by actively campaigning against LGBTQ causes, especially the trans community. Not only did his base just lap it up but it felt like Democratic leadership wasn't doing nearly enou...
Read more

Thanks Dad

 My dad was born to a hardworking father and stay-at-home mother in a tough neighborhood. Not only my father but all of his siblings served as living PSAs on what NOT to do in life. I had a family member for each issue raised: drinking, smoking, drugs, infidelity, raising children, racism. Everything they did seemed wrong to me. In fact, I could've made this blog entirely about them and would never run out of material. However, for brevity, I'll focus on my father.  He married his highschool sweetheart and had my sister. It wasn't long before that marriage ended on divorce and my father moved away. While my sister will never admit it, I've always believed that she secretly resented him for leaving her. My father eventually met my mother but it would be ten years before they married. One reason was because her family didn't really like him. They were all very straight laced while he was an alcoholic biker (I guess my mom was into bad boys). Another reason was, at one...
Read more