Missing You

This past weekend was the first weekend since August where I didn't spend at least one of those days with Griffin for most of it. I realized this yesterday and it made me think of how much I missed him.

I did drive him part of the way to his work conference but it's not the same thing. Thirty minutes versus almost twelve hours makes quite the difference.

Part of this feeling is because we'd spent so much time together recently. I don't have many close friends and I truly value the time spent with the ones I do have.

Another part is he's absolutely my best friend right now. We have tons in common, including a similar mindset on the way of the world currently, and people like that can be hard to find in this area. Plus, when you travel around with someone as much as we have, you absolutely grow closer to that person.

Finally, I know that I still have feelings for him. While I know he's not interested in me like that, I also can't shut off the feelings I have for him.

I think if I could find more success in dating then it would be easier to move on from these feelings. Not finding as powerful of a connection with another though is preventing that.

Even though we aren't dating and he says he's not interested, Griffin does nice, little things for me. Recently, he bought me a tumbler with my name on it. Also, he recently went through our local bookstore, took pictures of every available LGBTQ book and sent them to me.

It's just nice, sentimental actions like that where I can see how truly special of a person my friend can be.

And it makes no no wonder why I miss him like I do.

While I do want to see him again just to spend time together (like we always do), a part of me wants to spend that time super close together.

I want to be held, caressed, cuddled, loved.

Unless he's actually interested, this won't happen with Griffin.

But a genderfluid person can dream.



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