My Laura Dean

 Good morning, loves. Hope you had a wonderful weekend and Labor Day! 😊 

As promised, I'm talking today about My Laura Dean (referred to as MLD for the rest of this post).

I'd known MLD for many years. Ironically enough, she had begun dating my wife's previous long term boyfriend from right before her and I got together. When we heard he repeated certain patterns with MLD that he had with my wife, we decided to reach out to her and meet up.

We stayed out all night with her. Despite me being married, there was almost instant chemistry between MLD and myself. Since I was "happily" married though, I never pursued anything.

Years went by and we were merely acquaintances. This lasted until my separation and divorce.

One night, I reached out to MLD. She had also been having a tough time and I thought we could hang out and trade "war stories."

Without going into details, MLD and her children have had serious trauma and drama for most of their lives. So, their war stories will easily outdo any of mine.

Anyway, she agreed and asked that we initially hang out at my house (I was still living in my previous home I'd shared with my ex-wife as well hadn't sold it yet).

While I did think she was beautiful, I also didn't want her to feel pressured into anything. So I was a gentleman (giving her space, letting her pick what we watched, what we ate, etc).

As we started to watch a movie, she asked me to cuddle up next to her. It wasn't before long though that the situation went from PG-13 to XXX. After all the stress that both of us had been experiencing, it was exactly what we needed. And I won't lie: I instantly fell in love with her.

Even though she denied it for years, we became a couple at that point (she refused to call me or consider me her boyfriend until we talked about it much later. Considering we were either talking or spending every waking moment with each other, what else could it have been). For the first time in a long time, I felt fulfilled with someone by my side again.

Sadly, this didn't last long.

About a month into our relationship, we realized that we hadn't been out for an official date. We'd spent our time together either getting takeout for her and her kids, hanging out with her friends at a bar, or going to my house for... extracurriculars.

Anyway, we decided on a date but were still spending almost everyday with each other. One day, I was driving her around and had to make a stop at the house. My ex was there to get more of her stuff and the two of them came face to face while I was in another room.

What happened between them for certain is unknown to me. MLD swears that my ex made a condescending look at her while my ex swears that she didn't and just wanted me to be happy.

Whatever the truth, MLD perceived that there was a look and she was being judged by my ex. Coupling that with me still working on separating my money from my ex's account (I thought it was usual stuff in a divorce but MLD felt it was going too slow), and she not only called off the date but the relationship as a whole immediately. Right on the spot.

"Crushed" isn't a big enough word for how I felt at that moment. Like literally having the rug pulled out from underneath you.

To make matters worse, this happened right around Christmas time. In every picture of our family from that holiday season, you won't find one picture of me. I couldn't bring myself to even force a smile. This is part of the reason why I don't enjoy Christmas anymore.

It seemed over. However, by April, we missed each other. We had a long conversation at a Dunkin Donuts and seemed to realize that things were a big misunderstanding. We decided to try again but at a slower pace ("slower" evidently meaning not seeing or talking as much but still keeping up with the sex. Not that I complained about that part 😜).

Once again, this lasted a little over a month before problems started again. This time, she saw how I was staring and her and became extremely anxious that I was falling for her again. How I couldn't have after our previous time together, I don't know. The truth though was I didn't fall for her again; I never got back up after our first time together.

The thought of being that close to me again had her end things just a few days later. She said she spoke with one of her friends (whom I met once and found out she had a very negative opinion on all men based on one bad experience for her) and decided that "to save the friendship" to break things off.

Again, I was beyond crushed.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the end. In fact, it became the start of a pattern.

Every so often, MLD would reach back out to me to say how much she missed me (usually after she broke up with someone who hadn't treated her well). So, we'd meet back up, we'd start getting close again, she'd break things off because we were getting "too close," and she'd end up with someone who would treat her poorly. Rinse and repeat for over five years.

When it happened again last year, this time, I was the one who ended things. The reason was because of an interesting development that MLD wanted to push onto me.

MLD decided that she wanted to untie her tubes and try having another baby. Since she felt that I was a great father to my daughter, she wanted me to father her child.

I was flattered but also told her that if we did this, I wanted us to try having a relationship again.

She immediately responded with a million excuses on why she didn't think it would work. She then said to forget it and how it was just a "crazy idea anyway."

Fast forward a couple of weeks later and she's posting about "big things" coming next year and how "I hope it's a little girl!"

It was never about me or us; it was about her. She'd found someone else who gave her exactly what she wanted: a pregnancy without any responsibility.

At some point, she stopped mentioning it and never had another child. I can only assume that either, sadly, the pregnancy ended prematurely or she wasn't actually pregnant at all.

Regardless, I was over it. This time, I ghosted her. She tried reaching out a few months later. While I was willing to at least talk to her, we didn't meet up this time.

Fast forward to this past June. MLD started commenting on my social media pictures again about how good I was looking (I've lost 76 pounds since March of last year). Of course, she also mentioned how much she missed me.

So, once again, I reached out to her through DM's. I received only silence in return. Meanwhile, she was posting constantly about how she enjoyed ignoring and blocking guys who DM'd her (apparently not me but some other guy who wanted her only for sex). Her audience, of course, was more guys interested in DM'ing her to just be with her physically.

After all these years, she should've made me and our supposed "friendship" a priority. In reality, I was the Freddy to her Laura Dean. MLD felt that I'd always be there and she could come and go with whoever else as she pleased.

I realized that we were never getting back to where we'd been that first time and she didn't respect me enough to respond to my messages. Therefore, I unfriended her on every platform.

When she figured this out (over a week later), she spent approximately 10 minutes trying to reach me on every method of contact she had for me. I didn't answer any call, respond to any message, or even open any possible contact (that way, it wouldn't show that if read it). I just waited for her to give up and she finally did. I haven't heard from her since (in fact, she went the extra mile and blocked me).

I've come to find out that she started dating a new guy a few weeks later and started posting provocative pictures to her social media again (she'd told me she stopped because "it only attracts certain types of people" and she didn't want to be seen like that anymore). I hope he knows what he's getting into and has better luck that I did.

It was the following month when I first read Laura Dean. I noticed parallels immediately.

Granted, I'm not a high school girl (or will probably ever be as beautiful as Freddy) but I noticed many similarities with Freddy and Laura Dean to MLD and myself.

The constant breakups. The coming back together when it suited her. The disrespect once we did. Just an unending cycle...until Freddy and I ended it.

Even in the line from the online advice columnist in the story hit me: "What is it like to love this person who keeps breaking up with you, and then presumably coming back to you? What does your love with this person offer you? Does it make you happy? Does it give you what you need to be a better person?" (pg. 265).

I'd been questioning this for some time but still kept coming back to MLD whenever she'd call. Like a lost, little puppy. Could I actually break things off completely though? How would that go?

"The truth is, breakups are usually messy, the way people are messy, the way life is messy." (pg. 251).

The biggest question for myself though was whether or not I could end things when I still loved her? I ultimately did. Laura Dean also addressed that: "It's also true that you can break up with someone you still love. Because those two things are not distinct territories: love and not loving anymore." (pg. 251).

Once again, if you haven't done so, I do recommend reading Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me. It's an excellent graphic novel and it really helped finally get me past MLD.

Whether or not I ever see or talk to her again doesn't matter. The point is this: it's over. Truly and completely over between us. 

Unfortunately for her.

And me.