Gender Dysphoria: Worst Episode Yet

So yesterday's post, while I do believe the opinions I expressed, also had more self pity than I had intended.

The reason for that was I had a ton of stressors eating away at me yesterday. The worst one being an episode of gender dysphoria.

I'd mentioned this before in a previous post but for anyone unfamiliar with the term: gender dysphoria refers to when you're having trouble reconciling how you feel inside gender wise with your physical gender appearance.

It hit me hard yesterday. I didn't sleep well the previous night, which didn't help matters. But I also just felt really off. Like my mind couldn't understand why I was walking around as my masculine self when I was very much internalizing as Trixie.

I couldn't stand to look at my clothing, the mirror was my mortal enemy, and I got sick and tired of everyone calling me by my masculine name. I'm shocked I didn't have a complete breakdown with an ugly cry at that moment in my office.

Thankfully, I held it together and slowly started building myself back up. I spent the rest of the day having mini dance parties whenever a song I enjoyed came on the radio, I continued reading the book Symptoms of Being Human (which I plan to review once I'm finished), I talked to my best guy friend Griffin about how I was feeling (obviously, he didn't really have any answers but it at least helped that he was there to listen), I tried to throw myself into my work as much as possible whenever I had any until I was fully caught up, I came out to a member of my fantasy football league (he said he had no judgments towards me and nothing had changed; nice to say but I'm marking him more as "tolerant" than "accepting"), did some work outside when I got home and finally reached out to an idol of mine through Cameo (I'll talk more about that next week).

Phew! Got all that? Lol

Today, since my meter was still clearly pointing towards Trixie, I took a few steps to help lessen any possible repeat events today.

I put on some cherry flavored chapstick. Even though it's clear, it makes me feel as though I have something on my lips (speaking of which, I'm in need of a reapplication).

I also put on this morning a pair of underwear and socks that I usually associate with Trixie (still boy clothes but they FEEL more feminine).

I've also switched up my walk and posture a bit; more in line with when I'm Trixie. I couldn't go the whole way with dressing up because of my coworkers but this seems to be doing the trick. Even now, I just took a deep sigh of relief.

I also looked up online on what to do if my gender dysphoria hits me again. I found this great article from wikiHow (link listed below) in case any of you out there could use some help as well.

That'll do it for me this week but I'll be back with you on Monday.

Take care, my loves.

-Trixie 😘❤️


https://www.wikihow.com/Cope-With-Gender-Dysphoria



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