Trixie's First Day Out

 Good day, loves. Hope you had a lovely weekend.

Today, I'll be talking about my first trip out into the public, in broad daylight, as my feminine self: Trixie.

The big day was the Saturday before last and came after two years of discovering who I am and the styles/outfits that best suited me.

As you'll recall, I was having trouble adopting a makeup regimen. This was not only due to inexperience but also lack of confidence (this coming despite my latest effort from the month before producing excellent results). Therefore, my one friend came over to do my makeup for me. I wanted to make sure that my first daytime excursion as Trixie went as well as humanly possible.

Obviously, due to my friend having way more experience than me, my makeup looked absolutely wonderful! The pictures we took of me couldn't truly due the results justice.

As for my outfit, I went with my favorite black wig with bright red streaks, a Tokyo Ghouls t-shirt (I've never watched the show but I loved the shirt because it says "I'm not the one who's wrong. What's wrong is the world." Just my way of telling off any bigots I might've met without speaking a single word), my red and black checkered skirt, my black leggings, my black ankle socks, and my blue and white high top sneakers. I also got to use my purse for the first time (black with silver crosses on the side) and my lovely wallet (looks like the Handbook for the Recently Deceased from Beetlejuice).

The leggings, despite making me extra warm in the sunshine, were a necessity. I inherited my father's sensitive skin and I break out in little bumps all over whenever I shave. Anyone with tips would be welcome for such an issue. Until then, I'll be in the Hairy-Legged Babe Club.

We then spent the day shopping at a nearby college town. We chose the place because it was far enough away that I was less likely to run into anyone I knew (depending on who would see me in my small town, it could lead to trouble that I'm not mentally prepared to deal with yet), the locals were more likely to be accepting of me, and also gave us more shopping options.

Also, in order to maintain a level of anonymity, I'll only be listing the more national chain stores we visited instead of any local or regional shops.

Our trip made for a magnificent day. We visited a regional clothing store (best way to describe it is like TJ Maxx on steroids) for over two hours. If anyone did have an issue with me, nobody said anything about it (I do believe that an older lady did turn her head away after seeing me but I can't confirm that). 

The worker at the fitting rooms couldn't have been kinder. She also validated me by saying things like "you ladies find lots of cute outfits?" And (when my friend stepped out to get more clothes) "yep, she's still in there (referring to me)." 

It took me so long in the fitting room because I had numerous items to try on and I just couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror. It might sound conceded but I honestly don't remember the last time I saw my masculine self in the mirror and was that happy. I couldn't stop smiling and nearly teared up because of how much I loved my appearance as Trixie.

I wound up buying a long sleeve black shirt with red broken hearts and white lettering with a white skeleton. I also got a pink and black outfit that was supposed to be sleepwear but looked more like a tracksuit. Either way, it looks amazing and fits perfectly.

We then got lunch at a local bar styled restaurant. I accidentally rubbed off my lipstick and had forgotten to bring any extra with me. So we headed to another regional store so I could reapply. I used the mirror in the women's restroom (amazingly enough the world didn't end from me going in there).

We then looked through a regional show store to find me some cuter, goth style shoes. Unfortunately, nothing was in my size. This is the drawback to usually wearing size 13 wide shoes (once again, thank you Amazon: not a sponsor of mine).

We then stopped by Barnes and Noble, so I could check on some books. The one I most wanted, the graphic novel Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me, was front and center of the LGBTQ section. I grabbed it without hesitation, as well as some other excellent books (my mom enjoys dramatical books, among others, so I got her Mystic River).

Our next to last stop was in Maurice's, which made the trip even more magical (and I didn't think that was possible). The cashier and manager on duty couldn't have been more accepting and helpful with me. They found me some outfits they thought would work and showed me to the fitting rooms. They then asked when I was coming out to show off my new clothes. I thought nothing of it until they said "(My friend) has shown off like three outfits already." So I stepped out of the fitting room to discover that the two workers had pulled up chairs and were both complimenting and making any necessary critiques of our clothes. My heart filled with so much joy at them that I thought it would burst.

My friend and I bought more clothes than I ever have in one trip before outside of holiday shopping. The workers then gave us some amazing discounts (my bill went from nearly $200 down to less than $80 once they were done) and these clothes I will greatly treasure.

We then booked it quickly to a regional novelty gifts store to find a few more items (such as bracelets for me) before they closed. Once again, the staff couldn't be nicer as the one girl made to tell me "I just love your hair!" Just that level of acceptance meant everything to me.

This closed our trip but we decided to go again this upcoming weekend. We didn't visit nearly close to the shops to which we had been planning (mostly because our first stop took over two hours).

The best way to describe this experience for me is with two words: awake and heard.

It awoke in me feelings that I always suspected were there and felt like everyone truly saw and heard me for the first time. As I'm sure you can tell, I'm a very reserved and passive person in my masculine persona. So, stepping out as Trixie, in all her smiling, fun loving (and yet emo, gothic, grunge appearance) glory brought me way out of my shell.

I can't wait to go back and bring Trixie out into the public again.

In the meantime, I'll continue expressing myself to all of you. Hope you'll continue reading 😉❤️



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