Born in a Small Town

 When reading my post yesterday about my first trip out during the day as Trixie, I'm sure some of you probably wondered: why not just go out as Trixie in my hometown?

The reason being that I could almost guarantee that I would experience bigotry, discrimination and raw hatred directed towards me if I presented as Trixie in my hometown.

My boss, a few of my friends and myself are but a few dots in an ocean of red when it comes to this town's political spectrum. For years, it wouldn't have been a major problem but the past 10 years especially has changed that.

Don't get me wrong: there's nothing wrong with being a Republican. Many of my family members and closest friends are registered Republicans (including my mom). 

The problem is when extremism oozes its way into politics and brings out the worst in people. Even just being a Democrat has seen me face ignorance and hatred from those around me, including certain family members (who I choose to no longer engage with for this very reason).

And I'm not alone. A friend and former coworker of mine that used to live in this area was called a homophobic slur right to her face just walking down the street.

At a nearby town, an associate of mine had her biracial children (Caucasian mother, African American father) playing in their front yard when someone yelled a racial slur at them while they drove by.

One time, my boss went out to her favorite bar and a transgendered individual (who had frequented the bar before as her previous, masculine self) was treated with some truly disgusting verbal and emotional abuse. Not only did her former friends shun her at every turn but they even threatened to call the police on her if she dared to use the women's restroom. Distraught, she left in tears as the rest of the bar patrons (excluding my boss who also left not long afterwards) and the owners celebrated their great "victory" in tearing down another person.

So, I have to ask any of you curious about me stepping out as Trixie: why would I want to put myself through that? I was hated and verbally abused enough as my masculine self in elementary and high school. Why would I want to go through anything similar as Trixie?

Instances like this, is why I have trust issues with people in general and also why I keep the list of those who know about me to the bare minimum.

This is also why I started this blog: I needed an outlet as Trixie. I couldn't keep this all bottled up all the time anymore.

The day after my first excursion out, I wound up in tears at one point. I had gone from feeling awake and heard the day before as Trixie. Now, I had to go back to sleep and be ignored as my masculine self back home.

All for what? Why does the far right and supposed "religious" types feel the need to tear down and attempt to destroy their fellow human beings? Is it such a crime that those like me and the LGBTQ community at large exists?

I even had another coworker who I was close to trusting enough with the knowledge of me being Trixie until a lunchtime conversation changed that.

At some point, my boss, this coworker and I got on the topic of LGBTQ individuals and this is almost a direct quote from my coworker: "you know, I don't have a problem with gay people. I have a gay cousin and I've even been to a gay bar for crying out loud! But I'll never understand why they think they need a parade or a pride month or anything like that. Why can't they just be normal?"

What is normal? What, in this day and age, is considered normal? Is it a condition that we all subscribe to or, because of our different life experiences, is such an idea an impossibility?

This was all on my mind whenever she was spouting off this ignorance (intentional on their part or not). My boss, who knows about me, was looking at me and could tell I was seething. I handled it diplomatically, gave some examples of the hatred and discrimination which the LGBTQ community has experienced even over just the last 100 years, and managed not to expose myself as Trixie or even pansexual.

My opinion, my normal is different from my mom's normal is different from my best friend's normal is different from my daughter's normal is different from my boss's normal is different from my coworker's normal is different from the normal of anyone who reads this.

Hatred is taught; not inherent. Nobody can teach me otherwise. My sweet, loving daughter, while having questions about me or the world at large, never looks at anything in a hateful way. I always explain both sides to any issue in as simplest terms for her as possible. She doesn't hate, she doesn't despise, she doesn't discriminate. She simply understands.

The world at large needs to be less like the bigots and hatemongers of the world and more like my daughter. People could step outside without fear of discrimination or hatred or ignorance. They could just be happy and proud of their existence.

What a wonderful world that would be.


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